Friday, September 7, 2007

Dad Has Prostate Surgery

Dad had surgery to remove prostate cancer Friday, September 7. I am writing this post on Monday morning.

I woke up Friday morning and decided to meditate (a habit I had fallen out of). I'm not really sure why I decided to meditate on that particular day. While I was meditating, a verse came to me. "Perfect love casts out fear." Since overcoming the panic attacks (actually during the process which I am still in), this has become one of my favorite verses. But, I was wondering why this verse had come to me at this time. I wasn't feeling fearful about Dad's surgery or his cancer at all. They caught his cancer early (PSA screening) and he had done his homework on his options and had chosen the best laparascopic prostate surgery guy in the country to do his procedure. But, one thing about Dad that amazes me is during his by-pass surgery and during this time he has never shown one bit of fear. He completely trusts in G-d. During his by-pass surgery, I thought it was a front he was putting up for the rest of us. But, thinking about it during the six years since then, I no longer think that. I think the verse came to me because Dad has that love for G-d that does cast out fear. How it's possible with his image of G-d, I don't understand (I really don't understand). But, the evidence is there in his actions.

The surgery went great. Unfortunately, I got to Columbus too late to see him before he went in. Even though his surgery was scheduled for noon, they took him back into pre-op before 10:30am. Since it's a teaching hospital, the set-up takes longer as they have to explain things to the interns while they are doing them. The "live" update board turned out to be not so live as it told us he was still in pre-op at 11:45. But, then, an hour and a half later, it said he had gone into the OR at 11:15. It was after 3:30 before they got him to a room. Ty and I had to leave to get back to do shipping for Friday. So, it turns out I didn't see him at all. As I thought, the family reported, he was pretty much out of it Friday evening anyway. I don't think he would have remembered seeing me.

The surgery went completely as expected. The doctor was out of there in an hour (it used to take him 5-6 hours to do the procedure). There was minimal bleeding. Dad is very comfortable now. I spoke with the family Friday night and I called Mom on Saturday to get a report. Dad was sitting right there and she was relaying messages from me to him and vice-versa. But, I didn't speak with him. Yesterday, Mom called and she did put Dad on the phone. He said he is having no pain (or even any discomfort). He's got a pump installed for pain medication and a catheter. He removes the tube for the pain medication himself on Tuesday (has a prescription for pills if the needs them then). And, he sees the doctor on Wednesday to have the catheter removed. His only "fear" (and it's really more of a slight concern) is making sure he doesn't overdo things because he's not feeling any pain. He doesn't want to be sore when the pump is removed.

For a long time, I wished Dad and I were more like "buddies". But, I've accepted that will never happen. He is who he is and while I'm changing, I can't change enough for both of us. When I expressed dissatisfaction about our relationship, it was like I was speaking a foreign tongue. It only created discomfort for him. Discomfort which apparently is not there now. So, it is what it is. I'm grateful the surgery went well and he is doing great.

No comments: